Psyche Read online

like it anymore.”

  “Cory, you’re horrible, why don’t you sing with her?” Marie asks while she smirks at me.

  “I just like hearing her sing, that’s all. Plus I’ve never really been the singing in public type. I’ll keep that in the shower where it belongs.”

  “Sure.” Marie replies with a smile.

  We walk toward the store as Katie jumps up and down with every beat in her song.

  As we come up on the cross walk in front of the store, I hear a car screeching around the corner of the parking lot with their music blaring. I pull my wife and daughter close to me as I back them up. We wait to see what this car was going to do. I hold my daughter’s hand and look down at her to make sure she’s behind me but then a women lets out a horrific scream.

  “No, Kristen stop!”

  I quickly pull my head up to find the commotion. I see a little girl wearing a light-blue sun dress walking into the road while looking down at a game. I turn back towards the car and its speeding towards her. Without thinking I push Katie and Marie back and dart into the street. I feel my wife grab my arm to try and stop me but I quickly pull away.

  I hear her voice as she screams at the back of my head “Wait Cory!”

  But I’m not thinking, just reacting. I move as fast as I can and I stretch my arms out towards the little girl; the world seems to slow down except for the speeding car that I start to see out of my peripheral vision. My fingers just barely touch the little girl’s light-blue dress as I feel the heat from the car accompanied by hard rock music inch closer and closer. As my finger tips start to feel the fabric of her dress I begin to push as hard as I can, then I feel a quick jolt. The smell of burning rubber and hot air press firmly against my face and pain shoots into my body. I start seeing quick flashes of everything around me as the concrete starts tearing my flesh off from my body. When my body stops rolling and starts slowing down I start to feel the pain and dizziness set in. People are running all around as the concrete starts to heat up my face; the little girl disappears from my mind as I feel my body slide across the parking lot in front of the store. I’m lying on my stomach and I can’t move. I keep trying to get up but I can’t and my eyes begin to roll back into my head. The hot concrete burns my face and I see blood gathering in front my eyes.

  My eyes begin opening erratically and my hearing seems to come and go. I start seeing and hearing things in short flashes. My mind starts to split as the sounds of sirens enter the air. My eyes become hard to open as they start sealing from the blood gathering on them.

  The ambulance constantly shakes and feels out of control. I try to avoid the paramedics, especially their facial expressions which aren’t very comforting. I see only looks of frantic emotion and annoyance. It matched the words that came out of their mouths too fast to even try to make sense of. My eyes won’t focus on anything, they just run around the small area I found myself trapped in. My mind is flying in so many directions, was I ok? Was the little girl ok? Where was I hit? Where is my family? All these questions run rampant through my mind.

  I was losing my nerves being surrounded by strangers and not knowing what was going on. The annoying breathing mask was scratching my face and it stopped the blood right below my eyes until it was full enough to spill into them. The blood felt thick and it was hard to see through. I try to fight off the paramedics and ask for answers then I see my wife and freeze. She was with me, holding my left hand, her eyes watering and tears rolling down her face as she stared at me. It was hard to hold my head up to see her, it felt so heavy and was just bobbing around. I laid it on my shoulder and just looked at her. I almost busted into tears myself when I realized she was holding my hand but I couldn’t feel it. The paramedics kept trying to make me place my neck back into a mold for stabilization but I didn’t want to. I wanted to see my wife not the ceiling of an ambulance. I tried to squeeze my wife’s hand but I couldn’t. I wasn’t able to move a finger on that hand or my arm either. I kept telling myself to calm down and that I had to pull myself back together and show some form of strength so Marie would feel more at ease and trust that I was fine and would be okay. The paramedics kept getting in my way asking me questions but I couldn’t understand them. I was too focused on Marie, everything else I began to zone out. Seeing my wife was the only thing that made me feel better, it calmed me even with her tears. I felt safer knowing she was with me. I kept trying to talk through this dreadful mask to tell her it was going to be ok and that I loved her but I couldn’t speak, the words couldn’t find my lips. I couldn’t get any sounds to get past the mask or over the commotion within the ambulance. Every time I tried to talk my body constricted and caused me even more pain. I couldn’t pin point where all the pain was coming from, it just kept spreading all over my body. My chest felt sore but I couldn’t feel any of my extremities that well and some not at all. My anger started to grow because the air mask was driving me crazy. I tried to avoid it as I looked at Marie; it felt like I was staring into her eyes for an eternity, an eternity that wouldn’t be long enough. But they were just flashes. The paramedics forced my head down finally strapping it into the cushion. Now I was immobilized and I couldn’t see my wife anymore. I tried to fight them off and turn back to her but I couldn’t, I didn’t know if she had my hand or not anymore and fear started setting in more and more. They began cutting off my shirt. Then I saw one reach over and pull my hand out of my wife’s, I noticed because she wouldn’t let go. I kept trying to stretch out to her but I couldn’t. A paramedic put his face in front of mine and started talking to me. I couldn’t make out his words or focus on him. He started yelling at me which became even more unnerving. They start strapping my arms and legs down. All I could move on my own were my eyes and they didn’t cooperate most of the time. The male paramedic finally got out of my face and as he moved I noticed a female paramedic starting to rub two white paddles together. My body starts getting cold and I begin to shiver as fear engulfs me and squeezes me tighter. My hearing begins to come back but what I hear is a steady dull tone. They lower the paddles to my chest but I can’t feel them. Everyone leans back as my body jumps; I feel extreme pain flow throughout my body starting in my chest. I constrict and my chest pulls my body off the gurney. I feel like I just caught on fire and the burning won’t stop. Sounds quickly come back into my head as the noise of the ambulance is more present than before. I’m too terrified to focus on any one thing but I over hear the words “Re-charge the defibrillator; we need to shock him again.”

  I try to yell: “No, please stop it hurts!”

  But I can’t get the words to come out, I continue screaming the words in my head, but nothing. They put the paddles back on my chest and as the pain shoots back through me, my eyes widen and the noises fade away into silence.

  3

  awakening

  As my eyes begin to open a dull white ceiling starts coming into focus. Piercing florescent lights litter the ceiling. Then a vexing odor enters my nostrils and the smell is unmistakable. I knew without even looking around that I was in a hospital. I slowly turn my head and see Marie in the room talking with a doctor near the door. She looked beautiful as always, she’s wearing her hair down, that always looks stunning on her. She doesn’t seem as upset or scared anymore which is extremely comforting. I slowly start to lean up and turn to lower my feet to the floor. As my toes come in contact with the floor they curl back due to the icy surface. I rolled my neck to give it a little stretch, my body felt so tight like I was still pinned down. All my muscles felt exhausted like I just finished running a marathon. I look down to notice I’m wearing one of the ever revealing patient gowns, pea green with my ass out; great look for anyone. Marie sees me start to get out of bed and rushes over and wraps her arms around me. I breathe her in deeply and get lost in her sweet scent.

  “Don’t you ever do that to me again!” Marie whispers into my ear as she squeezes me tighter, I can’t help but too smile.

  “I promise baby. I didn’t mean to scare you,
I just acted. There wasn’t much of a thought process that led me to that decision.”

  The doctor approaches and shakes my hand as he pulls out his little flash light.

  “How are you feeling Cory? I’m Dr. Jones just try and follow the light with your eyes as best you can.” He scans the light back and forth.

  “Umm… I’m okay I think, I mean I feel tired and sore but otherwise I think I’m fine. I assumed I’d feel a lot worse.” I respond while looking myself up and down.

  He looks down at his clipboard: “Well you were lucky… you took quite a hit. But after the testing, MRI and x-rays I think you should be fine. You just need to get some rest.”

  The weird thing was I felt totally relaxed. I was sore and stiff but otherwise fine. There was no real pain anywhere which was weird remembering how I felt when it happened and what I saw in the ambulance.

  I looked at Marie; “I’m sorry for scaring you, I didn’t think…I just wanted to help.”

  “It’s okay. You did scare me but I’m just glad your fine.” She replies with teary eyes and a smile. I take her into my arms again and kiss her gently.

  “Where is Katie… is she okay?” I ask as I look around